1. About autism

There are always things that make absolutely no sense to you

No matter which culture is leading the way, there are many different etiquette and customs in the world. Many of these customs are ridiculous, but no one would question them when they are performed. Because they have been the local people’s habit since ancient times.

Some social norms can be very confusing.

Why do you have to hug your aunt who you only see once a year?

Why is it polite to read the card before opening a present?

Why call to say thank you for a birthday card you didn’t particularly want?

For many people with autism, these things are always very confusing. Although they may feel pointless or illogical, sometimes these etiquette and customs need to be followed in order to keep the peace, please others, or maintain important relationships.

Fortunately, it is possible to find a place where these meaningless norms become irrelevant, where you can step away from them and cancel the activities that maintain social connection.

Follow your heart

We need to honor our way of being in the world, not ignore it. You may be prompted by “stimuli” to move your body in a certain way, make strange noises, or seek emotional input to regulate or express your various positive and negative emotions.

Similarly, you may feel comfortable when changing environmental conditions to reduce sensory stimulation (such as changing the light or noise in your environment). You may prefer to communicate through text, letters, or other means rather than through verbal conversation. You may feel more connected to others when you focus on a collective good or an activity.

Someone will understand you

Sometimes you may feel lonely, isolated, and often misunderstood. This is a common experience for people with autism, especially in school, when your classmates are similar to you in age but have different interests, opinions, and values ​​than you do.

Although you may feel that no one understands you now, as you grow older, the world will open up and you will have the opportunity to meet people who not only understand you, but also appreciate you.

Some people find a sense of belonging in the autism community, while others find deep and sincere emotional connections elsewhere. But the fact is that there are all kinds of people in the world, and among them, there will be some who can understand you.

2. Life gets harder: Balancing self-preservation with the demands of adulthood

The idea that “life is hard” follows us into adulthood is not uncommon for people with autism. We all work in stressful, emotionally and cognitively demanding fields that involve a lot of work. In such professional environments, time to rest is essential for recovery for the week ahead. Although taking time to rest is often seen as self-centered, it is actually a form of self-protection.

For most people, leisure activities are just part of their daily lives. For people with autism, recuperation takes hours or even days. For example, attending social events requires a lot of performative social interaction, which can lead to a “social hangover” that lasts for days, and this feeling of physical and mental exhaustion has a great impact on work.

While many people are able to use their weekends to maintain family, friendships, and social connections, for adults with autism who have work or family demands, this is often impossible to do without compromising their physical and mental health.

This is such a common phenomenon in the autism community that autism advocate Maja Toudal developed the “energy accounting method” to help her manage her energy levels while studying. The concept has been taken up by psychologist Tony Attwood, who has introduced and written about energy accounting as a basis for improving mental health in people with autism.

While the tendency to focus on one thing and nothing else is a common feature of autism, energy accounting is often misunderstood as a key to promoting physical and mental health in adults with autism.

For example, an aversion to supermarket shopping may be seen as laziness or an avoidance of tedium, but it is actually a real struggle to maintain enough executive function to complete the core task of shopping in a grocery store while tolerating the stimulating effects of the environment on one’s senses.

By doing our best to avoid cognitively demanding situations, we can save energy for other tasks. We can choose to accept help and do things differently. This is not because we are stubborn, demanding or difficult to get along with, but because we are autistic people, and we have different strengths and limitations than other people.

3. Reshape the Narrative: See Everything Through New Eyes

Our lives have now been divided into two parts: before and after the diagnosis; taking us from a place of confusion, frustration and confusion to a place of understanding, self-acceptance and radical authenticity.

We now have an understanding of the framework that supports our existence: we have begun to accept our strengths and know that the challenges we encounter do not weaken their power; we now know how to rest ourselves better and are healthier and happier because of it; we no longer waste energy trying to be successful ordinary people, but focus our energy on self-development.

Our late diagnosis marks the beginning of our correction of incorrect thoughts, beliefs and basic cognitive styles that have been evolving for decades. We are not trapped, we are not broken, we are not failures; we are accepted, fulfilled, and normal autistic people.

4. Life with autism is not difficult

Our diagnosis provides us with a framework to break through limitations and rewrite our stories. Review and re-approach things from the perspective of an autistic person, confidently eliminating the word “difficult” and replacing it with “autism.”

“Because I am a difficult autistic person, I feel a lot of pressure when I go to parties.”

“Because I am a ‘difficult’ autistic person, I like to talk about topics that interest me instead of joining in meaningless small talk.”

“Because I am a ‘difficult’ autistic person, I get very upset when my environment changes unexpectedly.”

“Because I am a ‘difficult’ autistic person, I need to understand the details of the plan.”

Through diagnosis, we have a deeper understanding of ourselves and can see ourselves in a more positive light. We now know that it is not us who have a hard time living, but that it is hard for us to live up to the responsibilities that are expected of us in our lifetime.

We were fortunate to have many formal and informal supports that helped us in completing our research. However, not everyone who is diagnosed late will receive support. Research shows that some adults with autism do not experience positive changes after diagnosis, suggesting that there is a need for accessible autism resources to guide adults with autism who are diagnosed late in their self-narratives.

Our lives are not that difficult, we are just autistic